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Freitag, 24. Januar 2014

Dear CREEPS:

You know, I've had a bad day.
Went to the uni library to study for exams as I can't study at home. 
Could not concentrate and was feeling weird all day long so I quit studying for the day.
Around 9pm I made my way back home but missed the train which resulted in having to wait for the next one.
Ustally my appearence is described as: arrogant, cocky,... basically "resting-bitch-face". 
And I am FINE with that.
It keeps strangers from talking to me.

Well, well, well. Not today. Not this time.

I was standing in front of a closed "Deutsche Bahn" service center (9pm, remember?)
earphones, music, cold, wanting to get home as quickly as possible, usual resting-bitch-face.
This was the moment everything went down the tubes.

This man comes up.

+45y., partly bald, entirely creepy. 


Man: *insert blabla* (wasn't able to understand anything as I was listening to music)
Me: Mh, what?
Man: Ich wollte dich fragen,...
Me: I'm sorry. I don't understand German [inner monologue: what a cheeky little liar you are, Alex]

Usually in Germany this sentence gets people to get off your back 'cause especially older people don't speak english that well.
Not this time. His English was pretty good. [ugh, shit.]

Man: Oh, where do you come from?
Me: Russia. [here goes lie number 2]

Again: usually this answer gets people to back off and again: not this time.
Instead this guy actually could speak Russian! [you gotta be fucking kidding me]

Man: (in Russian) Oh, lovely! How are you? Where do you come from?
Me: (in Russian) Good, thanks. Moscow. [#2 and #3]
Man: (continuing in English) Awesome! What do you do here?
Me: Visiting family. [#4]
[awkward silence]
Man: Well, I just visited this exhibition in Bochum called "Koerperwelten". You know what that is?
Me: Mh,.. [yes. fuck off] No.
Man: Well you should! It's about dead people and,..
Me: I don't like dead people [stopped counting lies at that point].
Man: Well,... where are you going?
Me: Home.
Man: Home? Which city?
Me: Uhm,.. Erm.. Dortmund [L.I.E] 
Man: We'll be on the same train then! I'm going to Guetersloh!
Me:... [please, no]
Man: So,... What's your name?
Me: I think that is none of your business.
Man: Oh well,.. [awkward silence again] So,... [stop fucking staring at me] What did you do here?
Me: Erm,.. You know what I feel very uncomfortable talking to strangers. So I will leave now.
Man: But then you can't talk to anybody!
Me: I talk to my friends.
Man: Well,.. We could be friends.
.
..
...
[§%$&%/\][{{"$§%{{[]$ !!!!!!!!!!!]

Me: I[NO]don't[NO].think[NO].so[NO]. I am waiting for someone and will go now.
Man: Okay, bye.

At this point I realized we've been observed by some students and I was getting "we all know you did not tell the truth"-looks when I hurried out.
That went well, huh?
Story's now over yet I promise.

So I was standing outside, listening to music, playing hide and seek with Mr. Creep McFucking CreepCreepCreep.
5 mins before the train was supposed to arrive I made my way up to the platform where my "friend" was waiting for me.
Me, quickly getting my phone out and pretending as if I was talking to my friend whilst getting as far away from him as possible. 
Now you can have a guess who came up to me. Again.
Just a small hint: It was not Johnny Depp.

Man: There is a train that is running late but I asked someone and it's not our train.
Me: Well, thanks.
[awkward silence. again.]
Man: So,.. how do you like Germany?
Me: It's okay. [§$%%&%$§"!"§$%!!!!!]
Man: You came here in the wrong season! But I bet it is much colder in Moscow!
Me:...
Man: I always wanted to visit Moscow. Maybe you could be my guide?
Me: No. I don't think so. [like, fuck, WHAT? no fucking NO, N.O, N-OOOOO]
Man: Why not?
Me: Erm, I need to call and my friend. Now.
Man: Okay, see you later then!

This was the moment I realized he would be following me on the train so I quickly went to a friendly looking guy who happened to be also a student at my university and whispered "HELP! Will explain everything in detail later but for now just act as if we know each other. You see this man over there? He's fucking scary and stalking me. . He will be following me on the train and I told him I am waiting for a friend which will be you. But we will have to talk in English. HELP!!"
You should have seen his facial expression.
After he agreed to help me in this situation we entered the train, trying not to bump into the dude again. 
Don't think I need to mention he was stalking the train for me.
Somehow we managed to escape from him and sat down so I could tell him the whole story which he found very funny but at the same time upsetting.

Sooo, this was my lovely evening and now after typing everything down I feel much better.
Thank you for your kind attention, or not, good night!



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